Ten Tips for Breaking Free
Here is a great article I found over at COVENANT EYES that was written by Joe Dallas.
It is practical and at the same time, very kick-butt straight forward for those of us who are aware that the temptation is going to be everywhere. Time to man-up fellas.
A little background on Joe:
Joe Dallas’ ministry in sexual addiction recovery and homosexuality is nationally recognized. He is the author of The Game Plan, The Men’s 30-Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity (Thomas Nelson), and Program Director of Genesis Counseling in Tustin, California, a counseling ministry for men dealing with sexual addiction, homosexuality and other sexual/relational problems. He is a pastoral counselor, a popular conference speaker and author of five books on human sexuality from the Christian perspective, includingDesires in Conflict, and A Strong Delusion, (updated version released under new title The Gay Gospel? How Pro-Gay Advocates Misread the Bible (Harvest House).
There is some great stuff at his ministry website called: Genesis Counseling (link to the right), check it out.
Check it out.
Is it possible to talk about porn inside a church?
I need your help with something.
Often times, when speaking to others about reaching out to those people who are either in the porn industry, or who are battling with the consumer side of it, I will get nodding heads in agreement with the idea that ‘it’s great that you can reach into the lives of these people, because porn is a pandemic issue in the moral deterioration of our country.” (ok… maybe not exactly in those words, but you get the idea.)
It’s especially exciting when I get the chance to talk about clergy or other church leaders who have the ability to bring someone to speak about the issues with a congregation to raise awareness and support about and for the battle against this sick industry. The response that is received after bringing that up is starting to become a bit predictable.
“Hmmm….”
“Well… yeah…”
“I wonder how that would work?”
I wonder how that would work to.
See… I’m of the mindset that agrees with all the statistics that show that porn is already a silent sin in the church… so by brining it up on Sunday morning isn’t’ going to be too much of a shock for most of the guys. Yet, there is a bridge that needs to be build between the Sex Industry Missionaries and the Churches that are needed for the support.
I need your feedback:
What precautions are there when it comes to talking about porn in the Church?
Should the subject even be discussed in church?
What do you all think?
Read ‘Porn Again Christian’ by Mark Driscoll
I just came along this great little .PDF. 
If you have a Nook or Kindle… this will make it’s way into your library pretty easy. If not… then I’m sure you have Adobe Reader by now. That’ll work just fine.
‘I still feel like I’m under a curse!’
“I’m a Christian man, but feel like a failure and am constantly frustrated by the presence of porn in my life.”
“I pray, but then later that night, porn is just one big setback to everything I’m striving for.”
“Can God bless and forgive me when I keep falling?”
One of the most difficult things for a Christian man to face is that he believes that freedom from the curse of porn is something that he should be delivered from. Yet, in the cover of night and the glow of the computer screen, he continually lives under the authority of a curse. ”I thought that Jesus became the curse (Gal. 3:13) so that I could be delivered from the curse.
The Bible encourages us all to ‘fight the good fight of the faith.’ And so I say to you men, in the same way, you are going to have to fight the good fight against the curse.
The chances are good that if you are reading this because of a concern that you have about the pornography in your life, then you have just had one or two run-ins with it. More than likely, this has been going on for quite a while, and the door to other sins have been birthed out of it: keeping secrets, deceit, anger…
Porn is a conduit for evil and wickedness to enter into your life in many shapes and sizes. This conduit has allowed a flow of things that are worthless and destructive to take root in your life. Porn leads you away from God in more ways than just the devaluing of another human being.
Porn leads you so far away from God that you are choosing to put things that are vile and contemptible before Him. I know this is hard talk… but look at our culture. We have walked far away from God… and it is a bit difficult to live that far out there and then say, ‘God bless us.’
But you know that. As a Christian man, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Porn has already made you feel far away from God that you are ashamed to ask for His blessings. You are at the point where you are wondering if there is a way back. Well…
There is a way back. But you need to get a reality check on your situation. Porn does more than just make you feel guilty… it has led you away from God. Beyond mourning the condition… you need to get fed up… get angry that you have been deceived… get serious about getting those demons off your back… all of the deceit and destruction that you have been allowing into your life.
Men… it’s idolatry. It’s worthless… and yet it is what defines so many of us. It’s no wonder we feel so empty.
Your family and your community is at stake here.
Choose today whom you will serve fellas. Man up. Let’s pray some demons out of each others lives.
So… for this thread… let’s share some prayers with each other that may bring some encouragement and strength.
Take My Porn Poll
Ok… In my journey to help those who have been effected by porn gain or regain their capacity to love, I have identified a few speed bumps along the way.
You see, while the pornification of our culture and much of the church has taken place, and it is a favorite subject of so many, the truth is, despite the popularity, it is a dirty little secret. How many guys would risk having an open dialogue about this stuff and risk that the free exchange of ideas may in fact blow their cover at home.
But I still need a way to make sure that I am on track when it comes to filling this web space with something that is meaningful and helpful… quite frankly, ‘I need your input.’ A-ha… the challenge however is going to be in providing a space for you to give me feedback while maintaining your anonymity if need be… not so much so that you can continue to pursue the late night rendezvous with the pixelated spirit of Jezebel on the computer screen, but so that we can help you to learn the truths about porn, and then change your behavior in a way that is going to be healthy and safe for your whole family.
Or maybe you don’t have an issue with porn, but you do have some questions that have always sat in the back of your mind like, ‘why don’t they Just Say No and turn of the darned computer in the first place?’ Good question.
As far as I can tell, you will remain anonymous. And since I am not Google or some other entity that has the ability to purchase your information to find out who really took my poll… all that I ask is that you be honest with your answers. I appreciate your help in getting the ball rolling on getting relevant topics up on the site.
If you have any ideas for other polls or topics to discuss, then leave them in the comment box below.
Be God’s…
Well… let’s go scientific and take a poll.
Things to Consider Before You Apologize Like Tiger Woods
I think that any guy who has at least… been sitting at the computer screen when a loved one comes in the room and finds you ‘with your pants down’ per say, has to sit back after watching the Tiger Woods Apology Video and say, “well done.” For those of us who are not in his immediate family and circle, perhaps it is time to take a bow out of the interest here for a little bit, and pray that a marriage can be restored, and that a healthy view of women can be found for Tiger.
For those of you men who may be heading down a path with sexual sins, addictions, issues… whatever you want to call it, I wanted to jot down a few things for you to consider as you watch Tiger’s nightmare play out before you.
First… be thankful that you sins have not been exposed in open book fashion for everyone to see the way that Tiger’s has.
Second… this would be a great opportunity for you to spend less time going from site to site on the net looking for the next fix, and do something constructive with your keyboard and mouse. Google things like Sex Addiction Therapy… or How to Tell My Wife I’m Looking At Porn… or install one of the handy accountability software programs I have over on the right side of the screen.
Third… back to the How to Tell My Wife I’m Looking At Porn thing… now hear me: leaning over to your wife after watching Anderson Cooper give his 360 cents on ‘Tiger’s Performance’ today, and saying… “Honey, there is something I need to get off my chest… I’ve been masturbating to pixels on my computer screen.’, and then thinking (“Wow, I feel better!”)… ‘good night dear… aren’t you glad I was honest?’ and then rolling over to go back to sleep isn’t going to cut it.
Do I think it’s good to keep secrets from your wife: Of course not.
Do I think it’s good to be honest about what is really going on in your little pixel harem: Of course I do.
However… your honesty and clear conscience is going to send your wife 100 miles per hour into a brick wall… and you are going to need to understand that. You won’t be able to look at her and go, ‘honey… I’m just trying to be honest.’ While that is true, know that you have just unleashed a deep pain and shame in the woman that you committed yourself to… under God.
Don’t believe me… step outside of yourself for a minute and see how you would respond to this statement: ”Dude… Tiger said he was sorry, why isn’t his wife just happy with that and move on with their life together?”
Doesn’t make any sense does it?
She is in pain, and your wife will be, too. Believe that… and prepare.
“How would I prepare for that?”
Start ahead of time investing in your wife. You need to understand that this is a long term recovery here, and you may need to lay down your own rights for the time being. She is your wife… you have hurt her… man up and tend to her for a while.
Pray… pray… pray. God is with you and wants to see your life and your marriage restored more than you do. His glory will be in your victory… so you better be listening to what He has to say.
Be ready to shut up and listen to her. Don’t interrupt… let her mourn the loss of her ‘happily ever after.’ Man-up… you’ll get over it… and you’ll have plenty of time to talk later. This will need to be about her for a little bit.
You’re about to send her world spinning… this is your chance to start being some stability for her… even if she pushes you away, stay solid.
(Did I mention Pray before you ‘come out’.)
Beat the Hell out of that Screen
Fellas… I saw this video and I had to share it with you. The movie lays out a pretty good blueprint for getting your marriage back (the devil would so like to take it from you)… but this video does a great job showing you where you can put some that energy thats all built up inside ya…
Man-up and grab a bat…
The Battle Ground
One of the most common tensions that surface in a man early on in the fight for their life out of pornography is between the loathing that they have in themselves for being addicted to and this sense that there is a higher calling upon their lives that they must answer too.
From a distance, to look at a man who is disgusted with himself because night after night he ends up hating the idea that once again a tissue is being thrown into the garbage that he used to clean the mess up… well, that is a good thing. It’s a whole lot better than feeling satisfied about the whole mess. One could look at this man and say… ‘Dude, you’re at the end of the rope… you are so close to letting go now. Keep going.’ And he needs that kind of encouragement.
However… as often is the case anytime we are disgusted with something… there is this God given part of our created DNA that desires to see all wrongs made right. Couple that with the need to be a hero that is buried in each of us men, and what you get is a well meaning knight who hasn’t been disciplined or trained for battle setting off to fight a fire breathing dragon who is ready to devour the best intentions of our young hero.
Rather than focus on the daily work of dedicating each day (sometimes moment) to God, equipping himself with the Word, and focusing on the smaller victories that can be accomplished… our hero will try to slay the whole beast in one fatal blow.
One of the most difficult things for me to share with men who are asking me, ‘How long does it take to beat this thing’ is that it could take years. This can be discouraging for the man who wants out TODAY! I have to remind them to take a long look at their journey into the addiction… it probably began as a young boy checking out a few magazines or the JC Penny’s catalog… and it eventually got harder and harder… all that to say… Rome wasn’t built in a day, and if you are going to defeat that empire… you better get ready for a war.
To the men out there who are coming to grips with the reality of the longevity of this war, I say this: Every once in a while, it is ok to sit back and focus completely on the goal of freedom from the addiction. Those mountain top perspective moments will keep you full of hope. But… eventually, you will need leave the top of the mountain, and head back to the wilderness that is before you. God is on your side, and will make paths through the wilderness… He will make springs of refreshment come out of nowhere when you most need it.
Learn to recognize and celebrate the daily victories in this journey. If you fall… GET BACK UP! and press on toward the goal. One day at a time. God thinks highly enough of you to call you towards freedom. You have what it takes…
Now take the disgust that you feel when you throw that tissue used to clean yourself up away… and the desire for a better life… and get down into that wilderness for some warfare… arm yourself with the Word, and remember this promise from the book of Isaiah:
For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the wasteland. (43.19)
God is on your side… and their are others of us who have made it. Now come!… Go, go, go!
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