One Man… July 12
This morning I was on line checking my email when I had the feeling come over me to watch some porn!! How many times have you felt the same way? And how many times have you given in to the feeling? Is it a God to you; and do you put it before everything else? Can a feeling have that much power over us? After all it’s just a feeling; it won’t kill us to not give in to it. But that’s the real question is in it. Because in order for us to overcome porn we need to kill off the power it holds over us! Does porn really fill the hole in our hearts? I can tell you know it doesn’t it’s a trap to keep us from getting closer to Jesus and being what he wants us to be…… I’ve been trapped for over twenty years and I know this porn only kills. Porn demands god ship in our lives. It doesn’t care if it cost us everything!!!! It demands we pay it no matter what.
Psa 18:4 The ropes of death had become tangled around me. The torrents of destruction had overwhelmed me.
This scripter tells us the trough about porn. That porn gives nothing to us but death and destruction!!!!
Psa 18:5 The ropes of the grave had surrounded me. The clutches of death had confronted me.
This is where porn wants you to be!!!!!!
Psa 18:6 I called on the LORD in my distress. I cried to my God for help. He heard my voice from his temple, and my cry for help reached his ears.
We need to know that God is on our side and that He hears us when we call to him. The road out of porn is not easy it will try you to the very end, but when the end has come know this that the God of heaven and earth has delivered you for the hell that porn has put you in. Remember this we can overcome porn let’s do this together.
From King of Porn to Godbeat.com
Jeff Myers, the founder and president of Godbeat Media has one deeply personal reason for why Godbeat.com came to be. This reason, born out of sin and ruined lives is the heartbeat for everything Godbeat.com is about today and the “why” behind its very existence.
You see, Jeff didn’t always run Christian websites or find ways to put the Gospel in any form into the hands of thousands of people each month. Jeff was not concerned with helping others develop their dreams and talents, quite the opposite actually. While Jeff’s web properties invaded hundreds of thousands of homes, via the internet every month, Jeff was not sharing Jesus. You see, Jeff was one of the top ten producers of online pornography in the Country, producing 2.8 million registered images and producing thousands of hours of adult video. Jeff was not helping artist or anyone develop their dreams, he was shattering them by exposing them to everything Satan had to offer. The lure of extreme wealth and lifestyle took over Jeff’s life, leaving a path of destruction that touched millions of lives over the 7 years he was in the adult industry.
If it had not been for an arrest on drug changes on April 13th 2006, Jeff may still have been in that destructive line of work. Acting on a tip from a young lady who worked for Jeff, Jeff’s home was raided on suspicion of drug trafficking and an arrest on drug charges was made. Based on that arrest, a change began in Jeff’s life, a change that sent Jeff back to his roots. You see, Jeff was not always a pornographer with a terrible drug addiction, Jeff had grown up in the church knowing everything there is to know about God, with one exception; what it was like to have a personal relationship with Jesus. On July 18th, 2006, during what was an 8 month trial on his drug charges, Jeff found his way to a Christian Campground he attended during his youth and during a very special service, found that Jesus had been there all along and had always loved him despite the terrible path his life had taken.
In December 7th of that year, Jeff was convicted on drug charges and sentenced to a year in prison. During that time the groundwork for what would become Godbeat Media began to take place. Jeff’s only God given motivation was to replace the garbage he was putting into millions of homes a year, with God message, through music or any means necessary. Using what he had learned in the adult industry about internet marketing and production, the concept of Godbeat.com and the strategy to take it’s message to the masses was born. With his relocation to Nashville, TN., music seemed the logical choice as a vehicle to spread the good Word. Godbeat.com’s mission is simple; Spread the Gospel to every home, replacing the garbage Jeff once produced with Gods simple message of love and forgiveness regardless of ones past.
Music and video are a powerful media that can touch lives in a way very few other media’s can. It is our desire that you will see God here and that He will touch you and draw you closer to Him. Our sincere prayer is that you will see a God that loves you no matter what you have done, where you have been or how awful you think you are. Let Jeff’s story encourage you. God can take your mess and turn it into something He can use if you just let Him. A former drug addicted pornographer, now, spreading Gods great love through a medium he once used to spread Satan’s lies. Just imagine what God can do in your life.
God is in the life changing business and Godbeat.com is a living testament to that amazing fact.
One Man’s Journey… continued…
Another entry from our friend… ‘One Man.’
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My heart is heavy today. It seems like I get so close to victory and then I go back
words. I look at my failures and look at how high they go and how hard I work to overcome porn and I go right back to it. And with the habit comes trouble too, so let’s take a minute to look at the whole problem. With porn, it makes you feel good, but it only last long enough to get you trapped and then here comes to trouble. What are we with this problem really dealing with? The bible tells us that we struggle not against flesh and blood but against powers of darkness and rulers not of this world. So what are we dealing with and how can we overcome them. It’s not a matter of us being good enough, or our own power to fit. This is how come I have lost so many fits to porn. Jesus came and paid the price for you and me to be free from all bondages and strong holds. If this is the case then what do I need to do? First we need to get as close to our savor as possible. Read our bibles daily and have someone to help us be accountable, this will help us be winners instead of losers. I don’t know about you I am tiered of losing. Jesus didn’t come and pay the price for us to be free for no reason; we have to start doing our part to overcome and be the winners that we can be. Lets do this together we can overcome this stronghold by the blood of the lamb and our testimonies.
Laurie Ishii
In recent months, I’ve been able to share a few moments of emails and texts with a wonderful woman named Laurie Ishii. I’d like you to take a few moments to get to know her.
Laurie was born in a strict Asian family in the upper middle class suburbs where everything appeared conventional on the outside, yet very dysfunctional behind closed doors.
At age 15 she joined an Asian gang, left home and lived a life of drugs and crime. By age 22 after being shot in a drive by and addicted to cocaine, Laurie ended up pregnant and alone. After crying out to God, she managed to get clean, got married and acquired a cosmetology license – only to end up back in her addiction after 4 years.
Leaving her family, her year old son and career, she went on to live a life of a full blown heroin addict and prostitute while continually punishing herself over and over for destroying the lives of those she loved as well as her own.
After numerous visits to jail, hospitals and rehabs, Laurie decided that suicide was her only option and woke up in the hospital after attempting to end her life by jumping off the roof of an 8 story apartment building, landing on her head. More suicide attempts, brain damaged, breaking her back and eventually, ended up on Skid Row.
Currently, Laurie is in the process of completing her memoirs, a book about the heartbreaking (as well as humorous) journey of losing self, pride and self worth in the enslavement of addiction as well as learning that we each have a destiny and purpose. Laurie believes that, ‘The things we go through in life, whether be good or bad; never have to be in vain.’
There are hundreds, if not thousands of people from every walk of life who are living in addiction or who have friends and family who are. Laurie’s is a story of overcoming battles raging within and without, wanting to die and yet fighting to live at the same time.
People need hope in a dying world. Laurie was someone who most people wrote off as a “lost cause.” Jesus Christ has given her a new life and opportunities to reach out to numerous people from all types of backgrounds.
She has been interviewed on the 700 Club as well as the LA Dream Center T.V. and she speaks at churches, schools and recovery meetings. Laurie has been clean off of heroin, cocaine, alcohol etc. since March 9, 2001.
Against all odds, she is still alive and functioning as a productive member of society, giving all the glory to God. Laurie is so grateful to JESUS to be where she is at today – if not for Him, she would (should) be dead.
Laurie is in the process of completing a manuscript – her memoirs, titled “I’d Rather Be Dead than Dope Sick”… take a look at this sample from those memoirs:
I was at home alone, trying to figure out what I would do for money. GOD PLEASE. THE LAST THING I WANT TO RESORT TO IS GOING TO SEE GEORGE. I made a few phone calls, and wasn’t able to reach anyone. I rubbed my nose with the back of my arm, snot spreading across my sleeve. DAMNIT! I’D BETTER THINK QUICKLY, BEFORE I’M TOO SICK TO DO ANYTHING. THINK, LAURIE, THINK!!! I grabbed my head, pacing back and forth. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, GOD. I CAN’T, I WONT. NOT HIM. The sun began to set; the sky a deep blue violet, tinged with different shades of mauve … such a contrast compared to my sick, black soul.
I began crying, knowing the inevitable. As much as I hated to see George, he was the only trick of mine who was almost always available; so in desperation, I usually ended up calling him. I did my best to avoid him for as long as possible, in the hopes that when I finally ended up calling, he’d be happy to hear from me, and when I saw him, he was more generous than usual. This time, it had only been two weeks since I had last seen him. Oh God… he might even turn me away…
Ever since George had found out that I was strung out, he took full advantage of the fact that I needed heroin. He knew that I was no longer a recreational drug user and he seemed to thoroughly enjoy seeing me suffer, mocking me, calling me degrading names. When I was still only doing coke, he was somewhat civil with me – nice even – giving me coke, Valium and money. Now I was lucky if he even paid me more than fifty bucks.
As it got later, I knew what I had to do; I was desperate. I couldn’t wait another hour; by then it would be too late, I’d be too sick. WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY? IT’S NOT AS IF HE’S GOING TO PICK ME UP … I DON’T EVEN HAVE A RIDE TO HIS PLACE. I picked up the phone, tears streaming down my face. GOD, ISN’T THERE ANY OTHER WAY? Grabbing the receiver, I dialed the number and quickly hung it up before it even had a chance to ring on the other end. I took a deep breath and tried to think of what I would say. I CAN’T LET ON THAT I’M SICK, OR ELSE HE’LL TOY WITH ME. PLAY IT COOL, ACT AS IF I CAN TAKE THE MONEY OR LEAVE IT. I took another deep breath and slowly exhaled. OKAY, I CAN DO THIS. I HAVE TO DO THIS, THERE’S NO OTHER OPTION.
When I picked the up receiver again and called George, I was so anxious that my heart felt like it would pop out of my chest. One ring, two rings, three… MAYBE HE ISN’T EVEN HOME …
“Yeah.” DAMN.
“Hi George, it’s me, Laurie. How are you?” I did my best to sound calm and collected.
“Ohhhh, it’s my trashy little slut. What are you doing, calling me so soon? Don’t you know that it’s only been a couple weeks since I last saw you?” His tone was syrupy sweet, patronizing me.
“Really? I didn’t realize that; I just wanted to see if you weren’t busy, you know…”
PLEASE GOD, PLEASE … I’VE GONE THIS FAR; PLEASE LET HIM SAY THAT HE’LL SEE ME …
“What’s wrong with you? You aren’t sick, are you?” He chuckles in the receiver, and I can imagine him smiling, like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland. ASSHOLE. HE KNOWS DAMN WELL THAT I AM …
“Um… I just need some cash, that’s all.”
“Well, I don’t need to see you now, I’m busy.” Now he sounded cold.
“But I’ll be sick soon…” my voice began to quiver.
“That’s not my problem now, is it?” I started to panic…
“Come on, George. I’ll take good care of you…” I tried my best not to sound desperate. “Please baby, I promise to do you real good…”
Silence. OH GOD, PLEASE …
“How you gonna get here?”
I closed my eyes. “I can take a cab to your place…”
“Humph. And who’s gonna pay for the cab?”
I didn’t respond, hoping that he would offer to pay, holding my breath for what seemed like ten minutes before he answered.
“Hurry up and get your ass over here. I’ll take the cab fare outa whatever I decide to give you.”
“Thanks George, I appreciate it… see you in a bit…” I breathed a sigh of relief, set the receiver in its cradle, and immediately began to evaluate my situation.I went into autopilot and called Beverly Hills Cab Company. I grabbed my Newport cigarettes and leather case full of paraphernalia and shoved them into my purse. Once I arrived at George’s apartment, I would quickly switch into the role of a prostitute, faster than Clark Kent changed into Superman. Long before that night, I had become an Oscar winning performer and best leading actress. I would transform into whomever or whatever George or anyone else wanted me to be, to complete the task at hand and get my money.
I anxiously waited on the sidewalk outside, and as soon as I saw the light blue cab turn the corner, I frantically waved. When the driver pulled up, I quickly opened the door and slipped inside.
“Take the 10 fwy and exit Lincoln” I said.
Staring out the window, I convinced myself that the night would turn out fine.Later that night, after I finished performing for him, George walked me to the door, while he stroked my hair. Every part of me resisted his touch and made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
Smiling, he said: “I’m not paying for another cab. You find your own way home.”
“But … how much are you going to …”
He smiled and handed me a Ziploc bag full of coins: pennies, nickels, dimes and some quarters, to pay for my services – as if I weren’t already humiliated enough.
Carol – Week 6
I learned something about myself today. I’ve been married three times and there is a common characteristic in all of them. For lack of a better way to describe them…Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde resides in some form in all three husbands. I didn’t see it in any of them. Why? What makes me choose men who treat me like crap? Don’t I deserve better than this? I’m not divorced yet from the third husband but I find myself not wanting to be alone. Why do I feel that I must have a man to be complete? Obviously, I don’t know how to pick a good man. Or…is it that I don’t feel worthy to have a good man in my life? I work in a predominantly male office and see a lot of potential clients who are male. Sometimes, I wonder if one of them would be the “next” man in my life. Very few men I come in contact with are Christians. Husband #2 really messed me up with his porn addiction, abuse, and manipulating games. Why do I feel that a man is the answer to all my problems? God should be the only one I’m concerned with. Yet, I find myself falling into old patterns and wonder why. It’s hard to be honest and real. I compare this to several students in a classroom wanting to ask the same question but they’re afraid to for fear of sounding “dumb.” My goal in writing every week is to reach someone struggling but afraid to admit it. It’s not easy to bare my soul and admit my shortcomings. Yet…I’m human and I fail. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” The Bible is all about God’s love for us. God knows we aren’t perfect and He loves us anyhow. Thank God for God! Where would I be without Him?
Break the Silence 
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